Yes we have no bananas today

A few weeks back I decided to try to expand my banana horizons. I saw some "burro bananas" in the produce section and figured sure, why not try them.

I bought one, set it in my fruit bowl and waited for it to ripen.

And waited.

And waited.

In the meantime I looked up some information on them. Some sources said that they were natural, wild bananas. This information is a lie, they are not in any way remotely like natural, wild bananas. Wild bananas are full of seeds surrounded by a starchy membrane. Burro bananas are just another modern, artificial cultivar.

They're also the subject of some sort of weird cult-like pseudo-scientific diet fad, which is just super.

Anyway, after a week of waiting I figured the banana was as ripe as it was gonna get. I peeled it and eated it, and it was unremarkable. It clearly hadn't managed to fully ripen as it was still a bit grassy and firm, and it really didn't bring anything new and exciting to the banana party in terms of flavors. Given it's well over 3x the price of a regular cavendish banana, it gets a hard pass. No thanks.

But I still wanted to try alternative bananas, so I decided to pick up a small bunch of red bananas. This time I did some research beforehand to make sure it wasn't part of another weird diet scam.

Thankfully they seem to be completely normal in terms of crazy weirdo attractions. They're just a different type of banana that's supposedly got a slightly raspberry note to its flavor, along with being sweeter and much smaller than a cavendish.

Again I set them in my fruit bowl and waited for them to ripen.

And waited.

And waited.

Over a week later I finally peel one, and things already aren't looking good. The peel is pretty tough to split away from the flesh, and the insides don't really smell particularly fragrant and fruity.

I take a bite, and it's massively starchy. It tastes like I've got a mouth full of flour, and there's not even a slight hint of sweetness.

I couldn't even manage to eat it, and spat it out. The rest of them went in the trash.

Like, I really want to be adventurous and try new things, but if producers can't put a fruit in my kitchen that actually ripens and doesn't just... sit there unripe and inedible forever, what am I supposed to do?

So it's back to the old cavendish for me. Science better get some kind of mRNA vaccine for panama disease going or something.